These Phrases from A Father That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to communicate between men, who still hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a couple of days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."