Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Television's top hosts used the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

The focus was the controversial initiative which permits international nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" option for 5 million. A government page promises processing "in record time."

"One thought for you to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The best screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.